BYU head coach Kalani Sitake on the Utah football rivalry and Kyle Whittingham

As Kalani Sitake attended a funeral last summer, he felt the emotions welling up within him again.

The Cougar football coach reflected on life and loss.

Secure.

But he was also thinking about something else: the BYU-Utah rivalry game.

For much of the past four decades, the head coach's life has revolved around the axis of rivalry.

That connection became clear to him in August while celebrating the life of former Ute player and longtime BYU defensive coordinator Ken Schmidt.

“There was Coach Mack (former Ute coach Ron McBride) and his wife Vicki. And there with Patti Edwards (LaVell Edwards' widow). And there are many things that are more important than just the game itself,” Sitake said this week.

“It’s those friendships and those connections and relationships. That’s a nice part of what makes this rivalry so entertaining.”

Sitake grew up idolizing legendary coach LaVell Edwards and later played for him at BYU. Sitake later trained in Utah. His family was split down the middle – a younger brother played in Provo and an older brother played in Salt Lake City.

And the Cougar coach has been waiting for years for the rivalry game to return to its former glory.

When his team competes next weekend, his wish will be granted. BYU and Utah will meet for the first time since 2021. And with the two schools in the same conference for the first time in a decade, the Cougars and Utes will meet every year as part of the Big 12 Conference.

“We need each other, it’s always been that way,” Sitake said. “…I just hope everyone remembers what it was like when we didn't have this game on the schedule and how difficult it was. It just didn't feel right, you know?

“It’s nice to be back on the field and play this game and then just do it more consistently.”

This was the longest break in the rivalry since the 1940s – when the programs did not face each other for four years from 1942 to 1946.

“When you don't have that consistent play and connection, sometimes you can take it for granted,” Sitake said.

He continued: “You realize it’s a really good thing. I think a lot of people across the country realize that this rivalry is a really, really good rivalry. One of the best. I think it's really healthy. I saw how LaVell and Ron McBride were together and the connection they had with each other. And I think this is another chance for us to socialize and enjoy our reunion.”

But when the rivalry game returns, Sitake has a different perspective on the meaning of it all.

And he wants fans on both sides to see that.

“This is a chance for us to do even better and have much more respect and appreciation for each other. Because we are connected, whether you want to admit it or not. We are connected. I have a unique perspective because I’ve been on both sides.”

Sitake pointed to Utah coach Kyle Whittingham as an example. Whittingham played at BYU before leading Utah for the past 20 years.

“If it wasn’t for Utah, I wouldn’t be here, you know? If it wasn’t for BYU, he wouldn’t be at Utah,” Sitake said.

Many Sitake employees have similar stories. Both his offensive and defensive coordinators trained in Utah.

Defensive coach Sione Po'uha, linebackers coach Justin Ena and analyst Gary Andersen also worked in Salt Lake.

“There are a lot of connections there,” Sitake said. This is the first time in over a decade that the two programs have participated in a joint conference. It is also the first time this game has been featured in the College Football Playoff.

BYU is 8-0 and has a chance to make the College Football Playoff. Utah could wipe that out with a win.

“It would be a big help. “Obviously we desperately need a win,” Whittingham said this week. “There is no doubt about that.”

Sitake also really wants to win.

But the coach also wants to keep perspective.

“I was only 8 or 9 years old and growing up. And just to think that there will be an opportunity in the future where we actually play in one of these power conferences, the Big 12. We are here,” he said.

“I think we should use it, but just do it differently. … Do it right and have great respect for each other and not make it so hostile,” he said.

Sitake's view of the game changed significantly when he coached at Utah in 2005.

“When I got there as a coach it was completely different,” he said. “Because I met a lot of fans and great people. … Not much different than the people I knew here at BYU.”

He concluded: “I don't like telling fans what to do, but man, this is a really cool thing. …We've seen what it's like to be apart from each other, and now we're together again.

“I am competitive. I want to win this game. But there’s nothing wrong with me being grateful to them.”