Bethany Joy Lenz fled from the cult to Hollywood: “Many cried on the floor at night”

“I decided what I wanted to believe, and instead of being willing to look at the belief system and measure it, I adjusted everything around me to make it fit,” she revealed in a new interview with People magazine.

“They were my only friends, I had married into this group, I had built my whole life around it, I had given up so much of my career because of it. There was really a lot at stake if I admitted I was wrong.”

JOAQUIN PHOENIX, MICHELLE PFEIFFER, ROSE MCGOWAN AMONG HOLLYWOOD STARS LINKED TO CULTS

Bethany Joy Lenz says she didn't know she had joined a cult. (Jamie McCarthy/WireImage/Getty Images)

Lenz, who tells the shocking story in her upcoming book “Dinner for Vampires,” only began speaking about her time in the cult last year. From a young age, the now 43-year-old actress said she longed for a community.

“I’ve always been looking for a place to belong,” she explained. Noting that she was raised by a young mother and father, she said, “Of all the wonderful things they did as parents, this was a gap in (their) upbringing like we all had as parents.” . And it just so happened that my This gap overlapped with my experience growing up in the evangelical church, and so I was looking for a place to belong that was also connected to a higher, spiritual experience.

Bethany Joy Lenz says that when she first joined the group, “it seemed so normal.” (Robby Klein/Getty Images for American Heart Association)

“It seemed so normal,” Lenz said of her first interactions with the group and attending weekly Bible studies. “At first it was like that, and then it just changed, but by the time it started to change, I was too far into the relationships to really notice. And I was still very young.”

At the same time, she played the role of Haley James Scott in “One Tree Hill,” which was filmed in North Carolina.

Lenz eventually met a pastor she identifies as “Les,” who convinced her to move to Idaho and live in a commune-like community called “Big House.” She claims the pastor controlled not only her life but also her finances. “I don’t know if I like the term brainwashing,” Lenz said of the experience. “I think it's more…high control.”

Bethany Joy Lenz moved to Idaho and lived in a commune-like community. (Robby Klein/Getty Images for American Heart Association)

“For ten years I lived in this bubble: 'Unless you believe in the same God that I believe in, unless you believe in having relationships the same way I do, unless you do all the things on the same checklist.” “I can't learn what I do from you. “You can’t teach me anything”…What a terrible mistake.”

“It looked so normal. And at first it was like that, and then it just changed, but by the time it started to change, I was too far into the relationships to really notice it. And I was still very young.”

—Bethany Joy Lenz

Shortly after the birth of her daughter in 2011, Lenz finally found the strength to leave the group and fled to Hollywood, where she had originally started.

“Leaving a television show after nine seasons, leaving all of my friends that I had known for the last 10 years, leaving my marriage, leaving the state, all at the same time, and it's just me and my baby in Hollywood liking it.” , “Will you hire me?” “Not knowing how I was going to make rent because all the money was gone was legitimately incredibly difficult,” Lenz told People.

Bethany Joy Lenz, pictured with her One Tree Hill co-stars, played Haley James Scott on the series for nine seasons. (Carley Margolis/FilmMagic/Getty Images)

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“I cried on the floor many, many nights just trying to figure out how to cope and what to do. And what to do with my feelings: the anger, the injustice.”

Lenz's memoirs are scheduled to be published in October. (Axelle/Bauer-Griffin/FilmMagic)

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Lenz said she is still recovering from her time in the cult.

“There is no quick way out. But I don't know if that's the point. I don't think that after trauma or suffering it's about just asking, 'Okay, how do I get over this?' “

“I'm still recovering. It's just day by day. person by person. Interaction after interaction. “If you make the decision to trust someone you're not sure you can trust, and you find out you were right, you shouldn't have trusted them.” “Finding out you were wrong and saying, ‘I don’t know if I can be trusted,’ was maybe just fear because of everything that happened.”

“I cried on the floor many, many nights just trying to figure out how to cope and what to do. And what to do with my feelings: the anger, the injustice.”

—Bethany Joy Lenz

Bethany Joy Lenz says she's not writing a book to “get revenge” on anyone. (Emily Assiran/Getty Images for That's 4 Entertainment)

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Lenz made it clear that she has no nefarious motives in telling her story. “I didn't write this book to take revenge on anyone. I just wanted to tell the honest truth about what happened.”

“The further I get away from it, the more blessing I see in it,” she told the outlet. “The more good I saw when I went through it,” she initially quoted her daughter as saying. Lenz also believes she will help people “who have experienced this and don’t know what to do with their shame. Who may be experiencing it right now and don't really know what they're feeling, but maybe they can.” “Recognize and see something in what I'm saying,” she added. “And help people who might otherwise get into something like this and now they know what warning signs to look out for.”

“How did that happen? I don't know, but here I am and I'm grateful. I feel at peace.”