England's very English attack sparked existential regret after withering in the heat of Multan | Pakistan vs England 2024

Before he was a deposed prime minister or a sitting prime minister or an aspiring prime minister, before he was captain of the Pakistan national team or one of the game's great all-rounders, Imran Khan was, for a short time, a magician, a very English kind of bowler. You know the type; Moderate use, fast-medium, a little seam, a little swing, licks his lips when it's cloudy. It was a game he learned as an 18-year-old at RGS Worcester and then perfected over the course of four years playing six days a week of county cricket for Worcestershire, where he was told by a seasoned professional that he should quit because he was fooling himself , that he would ever be fast if he wanted to advance in the game.

And because he's Imran Khan, he was pretty good at it too. He took 68 wickets in 1973 with 26, 1974 with 30 and 46 in 1975 with 27. Then he went back to Pakistan. And suddenly Khan found that most of what he had learned for four years was of no real use on the slow, low and flat pitches they played on at home. “That trip to Pakistan made up my mind,” Khan wrote afterwards, “from then on I would be a fast bowler or nothing.” He learned, as Osman Samiuddin wrote in The Restless, that “the way of the English in Pakistan “There was no way at all.”

There are reasons why so many of the game's great innovations, such as reverse swing, doosra and wobble-seam bowling, first emerged in Pakistan. There are also reasons why their cricket has produced so many electric fast bowlers, wicked spinners and brilliant seamers over the years. The big problem on both counts is that their pitches require it.

Nowadays England has its own electric fast bowlers. The problem is that one of them, Mark Wood, is just starting his recovery from injury and the other, Jofra Archer, is just coming to the end of it. They also have a nasty spinner, but Adil Rashid is so passionate about Test cricket that while England were working in Multan, he (no joke) took part in an Instagram live stream to promote the company that runs his hair replacement therapy. They had one of those brilliant sailors too, but Jimmy Anderson was finishing up his participation in a pro-am golf before flying over to do a bit of training because he was being forced into retirement.

So. Here comes Chris Woakes, with Gus Atkinson and Brydon Carse behind him, ready to learn the kind of lessons that Khan and so many other English-style bowlers have learned over the years. Before this game, they had played 20 Tests abroad between them, only five of them in the subcontinent and none of them in Pakistan. And of course they all belonged to Woakes. As he says himself, Woakes' record at home is unparalleled, but the truth is that it was only last year that everyone felt that England had given up on the idea of ​​ever bringing him in to bowl abroad again.

Woakes is so very English that he has spent most of his adult life politely waiting in line for the new ball. It took Anderson over a decade to learn how to bowl in such conditions. Woakes, who is a magician in English conditions, simply had no chance because he was so often the first reserve. He might as well be out there wearing a bowler hat and making small talk about the weather. He's exactly the man you're looking for on a cool spring morning at Lord's; It's less clear that he's the one you need on a hot afternoon in Multan.

But needs must. So Woakes, Carse and Atkinson, supported by good old Jack Leach, who holds on to his line and length like a pensioner holding onto the banister descending the stairs, and Shoaib Bashir, who still has the eager look of everyone, happily agrees his child with professional experience.

Over tea, the five of them looked like they were on the second day of a stag do in Magaluf, all red-faced, wet-shirted and existentially regretful about the four days ahead of them. Carse spent his first day of Test cricket huffing and puffing as he bowled chest-high bouncers to Shan Masood, who kept swaying away and deflecting the ball to leg. It was like watching a heavyweight try to pick a fight with a dancing subway man on a garage forecourt.

Two years ago England won in Multan but they had Wood's pace, Anderson's experience and Ollie Robinson's talent to draw on. Compared to these three, Woakes, Carse and Atkinson are, by any stretch of the imagination, the bootleg Beatles. Two years ago they also had the alchemical leadership of Ben Stokes, with his serendipitous ability to conjure game-winning performances out of his players simply by tapping them on the back and moving nine men into catching positions. Who knows? They may still be able to win this series, but to do so they will have to take a long detour and learn a lot about bowling along the way.