Philly DA Krasner on Election Threat: “Eff Around, Find Out”

It's election day and everyone is nervous. Philadelphia District Attorney Larry Krasner comes with a refreshingly simple message to any bad actors who want to interfere in the election process: Stop it or help me, I'll park this car Right around.

“Anyone who thinks it's time to play militia, go out and find out,” Krasner said Monday in a tone that reflected the ethos of a city notorious for using batteries throwing at football teams she doesn't like. “Anyone who thinks it’s time to insult, mock, take to the streets and threaten people should run around and find out. We have the handcuffs, we have the jail cells, we have the jury in Philly and we have the state prisons.” They absolutely do! Tell them, Larry. Call out their foolishness!

Widely loathed by conservatives, Krasner is known in the Philadelphia area for his no-nonsense demeanor. He was elected in 2017 after running on criminal justice reform and promising to overhaul a system that “systematically preys on poor people, especially black and brown people,” as he said during his campaign. Krasner's efforts were met with pushback from law-and-order conservatives in the state, who blamed him for the rise in gun violence, and the Republican-led House of Representatives voted to impeach him in 2022. (In early 2023, the trial was postponed indefinitely after a judge ruled that the impeachment did not meet constitutional standards.)

Most recently, Krasner made headlines for suing Elon Musk and his pro-Trump America PAC and attempting to stop Musk from influencing the election by handing out million-dollar checks to swing state voters, an action that which Krasner described as fraud. On Monday, a judge in Philadelphia blocked Krasner's restraining order, but judging by his authoritative demeanor yesterday, he appears to be doing well again.

Because he's right: The MAGA heads will find out! This is a city where sports fans once booed Santa Claus. They threw snowballs at the Philadelphia Eagles in 1989, even though the Eagles had just won. If you even think about asking for anything other than Whiz on your cheesesteak at Geno's, you'll get slapped in the face, and there won't be a lawyer in the Delaware Valley who will argue in your defense. Anyone stupid enough to start shit in Philly deserves exactly what they get. So if you're freaking out about the election, take a Klonopin, relax and rest. Larry Krasner has this.