Taking a kinder, gentler tone against the rudeness of politics

Let's face it: This presidential campaign isn't going to win any awards for civility. Apart from political proposals, there were such Insults, vulgarityand plain old meanness. And sometimes it seems like the rudeness of our politics has affected our personal interactions too.

How did we get here? And what can we do about it on the eve of this election?

First, consider something simple: tone of voice.

No, this is not a panacea for all our social and political ills. But this secret weapon of politeness is biologically hardwired.

Would you like proof? Babies and young children respond in predictable ways to both the tone of a person's voice and facial expressions. Children learn to trust certain voices even before they can understand the meaning of words. And chances are, an angry, loud voice inspires fear and the exact opposite of trust.

These ingrained reactions follow us through life and can help or hinder our interactions with others.

If we really want to have conversations instead of dueling monologues, we have to be genuinely curious about what the other person has to say. And if the way we communicate – not just the words but the way we say them – breeds distrust, there is little hope for a meaningful exchange of ideas.

To be clear: a mean thing said nicely is still mean. And there are times when a warm and compassionate tone is of little use: for example, arguments with people who ignore the facts.

But for all other times, you should think about teaching children. Next time you start a conversation with someone who has an opposing opinion, try using a friendly and gentle tone. It signals that you are genuinely interested in hearing what they have to say. You may not come to a disagreement, but look at the face: instead of a scowl, you may just see a smile.

The story was produced by Robert Marston. Editor: Joseph Frandino.

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